Spiritual seeking without the fluff.
You had better hope I never meet you in person. I would probably throttle you. Almost all of my idle time these days is spent in pursuit of some form of gaming high. Gaming is my “escape,” my “release” from the pressures of life. I look forward each and every week to your other podcast. Sad as it may seem, it’s sort of the highlight of my work week.But all of this I know is trivial distraction. I am distracting myself from things I don’t really want to deal with, and as a result I feel increasingly disconnected from my life. I have no idea how long I can keep this up as I’ve been feeling the fatigue for years now. It taints everything I do—from my gaming pursuits to my personal relations. But I feel I lack the strength, the resolve to turn my back on the comfort these pleasures bring me.So, in a very strange way I have a GWJ Shawn sitting on one shoulder and a Striving Shawn on the other.See now why I would need to throttle you?RC
Please don't kill me, I have those jerks on my shoulder too!If you've been feeling it for years, I hope you've got a support system you can reach out to. I honestly think the general malaise that comes with steady work and pleasure intake is harder to shake because you never really hit any kind of rock bottom. You basically have to throw yourself into an uncomfortable state and start digging in. It's scary at first yet oddly exhilarating too.
I've drifted away from gaming as escapism lately. Going through the SW:TOR grind cured me of some of my sense that I should just be doing something for the sake of doing something. I do find reading, comic books, and similar, more passive entertainments to be closer to meditative relaxation than more active entertainments like gaming or sports. I do love just going out on a nice multi-hour walk, though.
That was interesting. I don't know why, but it reminded me of the plastic bag scene from "American Beauty".One of the few upsides of having a job that is poisonous for my social life is that I have the luxury of lots of idle time, and that's probably exactly what I needed. Noone is pushing me, and while I'm miles away from being an example for succesful living, life is less of a struggle. There are always isues to deal with, but for the first time in my life, I have the feeling that I can afford to do so at my own pace. I'm pulling my own weight, and I think I do an ok job at not making others miserable. Pro Tip: A hamock is a great place to stare at the horizon for hours, with or without mind-altering substances.It was also nice to hear someone from my favorite podcast talk about something completely different than games.
I have really been spending time lately thinking about this. I am hoping to start running more with my music and enjoying that "disconnection" from all media/connection to the flow.